Living on this planet can be such a challenge. What is it Gandolf said in Lord of the Rings in reply to Frodo's wish that the darkness had not happened in his time? "So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Recently I was in conversation with a dear friend about the struggle to embrace this existence when it seems that all my cellular being wants to do is break free and rejoin the energetic source that it arose from. How do I live with ease in the world when my daily experience in this human form is interpreted by me as a piercing grief; a result of being separate from the whole? I am certain it is all a huge misunderstanding.
So what if, what if I turned it all around. What if, instead of thinking of it as this aggregate of energy that is separate, with the ultimate goal of reuniting, what if this collection of vibration was to figure out how to experience the whole/channel the whole through the vessel that it inhabits (currently called Adina) and thereby have no need to crave the dissolution of the body in order to connect?
Wrapping my head around that just leads to a big WHOA! (And a headache).
But just sitting and allowing what that could mean to flow through every cell in my body? Liberating.
It has been 4 months since I sat down to start this website. And just as I stated in my previous post, it seems that this particular idea got shelved for a while. I could say that I was too busy, but if I count the hours that I sat staring at my computer watching episodes of NCIS, Scandal, Once Upon A Time and The Good Wife, that excuse goes flying right out the window. Truth is, I sometimes don't know why I should keep up a website. That question of "why should I do this" has actually been plaguing me of late revolving around all kinds of things.
For example, I love taking photos. So sometimes I think I should see about doing something with them. I love playing with medicinal herbs. So I toy with the idea of making tea blends, or cool elixirs. I like dabbling in music. But never play! Because ultimately the inevitable question arises - what for? And who cares? And I don't mean that in a personal way. Just really - what in the world will I do with anything that I make? Give gifts that folks may or may not want? Try to sell my amateur items? The same is true for this website. What in the world am I getting a website running for? I don't need more business (although my massage business is on hold right now so I may need to get that going sometime in the future). Why?
I think the answer simply is: because I can.
So this is a learning curve, but not too horrid. I'm actually starting to get the hang of it!
It's funny (in a "huh, I wonder what's up with that" kind of funny, as opposed to a "haha, that's hilarious" funny) how some ideas that show up in life take instant action and fall into place, while other ideas just sit on the counter taking up space. What do I do with those other ideas, if they are things that I truly do think I'd like to do one day? I am trying to clear out my life. So tossing the things that aren't manifesting and somewhat self creating sounds like the best course right now. Keep the magic flowing, and pour my energy into the places that have movement.
But those other ideas are GOOD ideas, aren't they? I don't want to toss them. And I know myself. I will forget if I don't keep them somewhere. But cluttering up my metaphorical countertop might not be the best answer...